i'm waiting. . .

only a few more days until the girls arrive and the world flips over on its side.
paddy's day is going to be out of control! more out of control than that joke, the south side irish parade. of course, next year, i will give it another chance.
but as for now, i can only look forward to a sea of green on the northside. literally.

music is power.

you take me back there.

back to the sunny days laid out in the grass.
watching her fingers lace through the air, pounding on imaginary keys.
smiling our smitten, love sick smiles at each other.
leaving out details, but recognizing the omissions with sparkling eyes.
"i know true love don't love like anybody else."

the long dirt road to nowhere.
early one summer morning as the three of us crept along each slow curve.
the bass line pounding in my chest.
"the thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth."

i'm back there now
only in dreams.

it's a mystery

the way things go.
the people i've met,
the ways in which we part.

who will take me as i am?
who wants more from me?

it's a mystery,
this life i'm living.

bad girl.

it's a new low
even for me.
on again, off again
off now for good.

there's no hope for them now
and all i ask for is some understanding
that this is all in good fun.
i don't want to hurt anyone.
i just want to get through this.

trifecta

i seem to be drowning in a sea of three.

three for the days wasted
three for the nights that fell
three for misery and sadness caused
three for toil and exhaustion
three for kinship and blood
three for hours rested

i am anxious for steady progression
for four walls to envelope me
for comfort in something that lies beyond three.

codependency

it's keeping in touch.
it's knowing what's up.
it's making the love.

it's bringing it all together.
it's keeping me sane.
it's probably harmful,
but it's making me happy.


god damn it.

it's been years since we were born.

i've been watching the clock
go round for hours
i don't know which is more
painful--trying to fathom
the length of eternity or knowing
that you feel so completely alone.

i'm sorry.