maybe one day

you won't.

in an ugly world.

i want someone to tell me beautiful things.
to see the beauty in me and the beautiful things i create.
to share in the simplicities of beauty all around us.


happy birthday, baby brother.

patterns

I love this pattern from Squidfingers.com!

always interrupted.

once in a while, i feel like i am on the right track.

then my lack of emotions gets the best of me.
now i'm lost between one reality and another.

i know what's best for me. . .


. . .but i don't want it.

maybe one day

. . .you'll be worth it.

if i could write you a letter

i'd leave it in your bed.
tucked neatly between your sheets, so you couldn't miss it.

but you wouldn't read it.

i've posed that trick before, you claim to have thrown it away immediately.
my words apparently mean nothing to you.
but i wonder if those fibers still exist somewhere.
tucked neatly into a drawer, so you can remember someday.

what is it you will recall?
the things you've said about me. . .
my smile, my touch, my humor.
will you remember my insecurities?
will you realize that you caused many of them?

and where will i be on that day?
probably nowhere near you.
hopefully somewhere happier.
hopefully somewhere more fulfilling, more uplifting.

probably somewhere where i am even less understood.
it's too bad you can't give me what i really need.

at least not yet.

it had to be.

There is so much talent in you.
So much I want from you.
So much I project onto you.

But the "you" I see, is not the "me" that you know.
And the "me" with you is someone I've just barely met.
She's bashful, nervous, intimidated by the "you" who is aggressive, arrogant, mean.

But the nights are different. The mornings bring redeeming qualities.
They bring laughter, joy, sarcasm and wit.
They make it all worth it.
They make "you and I" into "we," even if for a few fleeting moments.

Surely we can meet somewhere in the middle.

I'm not trying to make something out of nothing.
I'm not trying to analyze you or sound overly romantic.
I won't tell you "I love you," or that "I will wait forever."
That isn't "me."
That isn't "you."
But whatever it is that "we" do is good for me.
And I just wanted you to know.