if only you knew i meant you

dreams are good things. . .while youre asleep.
but to awake, to dismiss the designs that please the senses
saddens me greatly.
to awake and find you next to me frightens me
to awake and find you gone makes me wonder
if you were ever really there at all.

i sure am wordy.

today, kids, i learned that i love words.
i apologize to any of you who have painfully been witness to this in the past. to me, there is so much to be explained out there in the world, and if we are ever going to know about everything--at least in my lifetime--we'd better start talking.

time for my couscous dinner.
out.
(unlike seacrest)

what i like about you

ipod.
you make me want to brag about you. everybody loves you,
but you belong to me.

so far, my favorite thing about izzy (yes, he is pink)
is that sometimes i forget that i am wearing earphones
and i just feel like the music is in the air
like in the movies when music just appears out of nowhere
no stereo in sight, the perfect song always just is.

maybe the guinnesses are responsible for the loss of feeling on my skin. . .
but no matter. i am happy that the liffey is there on kellogg and seventh.
i cant wait to show kate.

birthday bash(ed)

i made the mistake of getting
my body and mind drunk--on my birthday--and
then cruising through my phone book stopping
several times along the way.
i feel like an idiot. . .he doesn't care for me,
but i insist on trying to change his mind.
why? why? why?
I called back some 12 hours later to apologize
to his voicemail.
Then i busied myself with reading, writing, painting.
a masterpiece in green.
"remember me."
The return phone call. My body enters a
nervous state: sweaty palms, mumbling mouth.
Nervous voiced overlapping, questioning, questioning.
Nervous disconnect, and left with an awkward
unaccomplished feeling.
damn it! damn it!
I can see myself moving toward some dark place ahead,
but my arms don't stretch far enough to pull me back.

incense and cigarettes

the porch is a fucking time warp.
hours pass as we look out through the screens at the midnight pink sky and the bare ass bones of late-blooming ash trees.
mom and dad
grams and gramps
brother sister
me you
we and us
one of these days, peej is going to serve me breakfast.
iced chocolate doughnut glazed over like a welcomed guest to the blue house.
summer will be here soon.

surprise me

alright give it to me.
i want details, i want to know who and where and when and why
you are throwing me a crazy party.
i don't do well with secrets,
or gifts.
but cake i like.
give me cake.
i demand that.

i am going to love being 22.