oh blog.

when this day is over, i hope i will be able to sleep.
i told him i am trying my best to get over this insomnia.
not even.
it's just an aversion to night sleeping.

all turned around

it was a good weekend.
such a good weekend, in fact, that now i am confused.
where am i supposed to be?
where do i want to be?
why am i so far away from my friends?
"what happened to you?"
"you did."

the best part of all was the art museum.
you guys don't know how much i would give to be able to go to the art museum every week with you.
mfs, krs/c, jnn. . .the three of you are (and i mean this whole-heartedly) my favorite people on the entire planet. i wish i could spend every day with you, eating burritos and looking at art. i love you.

be the message

Today is Valentine's Day.

As much as that displeases me, it's nice to see the sunken sky, gray and dismal. Threatening to drop "flecks of snow."
A sweet song heard through the speakers, but it's one of heartbreak, not passion.

"Baby, that's not all."

An early morning shopper reassures me that men are the ones who really dig this day. She tells a tale of drunken secrets spilled the night before; this is her desperate dash to make it right. Maybe he finally told her he loves her.

They say this is a day to spoil your significant other. But the people I am thinking about are my mom, my sisters, my best friends, and my brothers.

"Think of another and give a little of your heart to the least expecting."

I love you too, mom. Now here is a woman with the power to make me cry out of love. The intensity of her compassion and strength is an honesty I wouldn't find anywhere else in the world. Sometimes she can be so profound.

My true loves happen to be people I don't especially like. Their similarities: thier stubborness, selfishness--none of it matters because each one of them knows the ins and outs of my life, my love, my dreams, my goals, my frustrations. We speak each others' words. We laugh for no reason, and have every reason to enjoy it while it lasts.

I hope it snows today.
Snow makes me feel closer to heaven, and reminds me that I walk on the earth.

Wish granted. . .
and it's a blizzard.

my mormon neighbor

my mormon neighbor is getting married! next week, for christ's sake!

"why," you might ask, "would someone get married before finishing school, with only a week's notice?"

oh yeah well, that's because she's going to have a baby. A BABY!
a little squirmy, squishy, saliva-spewing bundle of gross.
it's just a little much for me.
that and knowing that things won't ever be like they used to be. no more crazy club nights, no more 151, no more "best white friends ever!" well maybe that won't change. after all, yengmy is still in tact.

so here's to you, mai nhia. you've been a great friend to me, and i am very very happy for you. i just can't hide the fact that i am incredibly freaked out.
i love you.

the dark side

it is cold, cold, cold out there!

so i'm posting to ensure the masses that i am not as depressed and emo as my blog may indicate.

today marks the opening of the Ely Artwalk. this is the biggest and best show i have ever taken part in. on my way to the post office today, i passed all the store windows on chapman street, including mine. on the way back from the post office, i hurried down sheridan street (north side. . .i never walk down the north side) because i couldn't get enough.

concept: over 160 artists showing over 700 pieces of art in the windows of participating stores all over town.

mine are located at roger's printing. seven pieces. an entire store front devoted to me and what i have to bring to the world. i can't get over how fucking awesome it is! i hope everyone gets the chance to see it. if not this year, maybe next.

due to the euphoria this experience has created, my dark side is dead. for the moment. but don't worry. . .my next project is called "Self-Portrait as a Cynic."

alcohol is not okay.

god damn it all to hell.

i wake up to the stale smell of cigarettes on my fingertips,
heart racing
and i think
"i am never doing this again."