yes, you.

you don't know it, but i've celebrated you with ice cream.
she never knew it, but you trusted me with a big secret and i absolutely did not blow it.
you simply don't care, and that is why i love you.
you made me laugh like no one had before, but i felt too vulnerable.
you probably couldn't tell, but i always admired you most.
you didn't know, but i took every word you said like it was gospel.
you have no idea, but i write you letters sometimes, with no intention of actually sending them.
she will never know what you were like before, when you were with me.
you and i don't get along, but that doesn't mean i don't adore every inch of you.
you know everything and more, who am i trying to fool?
you're so not, and neither am i.
you didn't mean it, but i didn't pick those flowers for her.
you might be younger than me, but you're the only jewish grandmother i have!
your feelings were hurt, but i was only quoting a movie.
you must have some idea, that while the look in your eyes makes me buzz, i can't stand to be around you.
you absolutely cannot hurt my feelings, that's why i let you call me "fatty."
you rarely remember to call, but when you finally do, it makes my week.

just call me "savior."

I first saw him about 2 months ago.
Crouched down next to a heap of dirty laundry. I didn't want to disturb him, but he made me feel uncomfortable. I hestitated before turning to leave, and walked away knowing it was the right thing to do.
Everyday for the following weeks, I could sense his presence. He wasn't going to sneak up on me, I knew that. But I wondered if I would ever see him again.
***
Lifeless.
At first I thought she was dead. I felt completely helpless, probably the same way she did before she died. I could almost hear her crying for help.
La Mariposa.
I quickly walked past her frail black and yellow body, hoping no one had witnessed such a shameful interaction.
***
This morning, he came back into my life. It was as though he'd perched there all night, quietly waiting for me. Now he was nervous, anticipating, scared.
I was scared, too.
I looked at him for a long time, while wiping the sleep out of my eyes. I needed to decide what to do about him--and fast.
So I went to the kitchen cupboards, pulled out a small, clear drinking glass and a blank sheet of paper.
***
I opened the back door to look for her after several minutes, probably driven by guilt. I spotted her only a few feet away. Her fragile wings caught the sun's earliest rays, as she lay barely moving on the gritty cement sidwalk.
I wanted to save her. But how?
El Jardin.
The only two words I know in Spanish: they belonged together.
If she was surely going to die, she was going to do it with some dignity, atop a bouquet of healthy purple blossoms. Not under the boot of some aloof, ignorant tourist.
I scooped her up, and laid her gently in the garden to spend the rest of her life surrounded by the beauty of nature.

tessacrat.

in response to the late-night inquiry of "am i being closed-minded" for tuning out repubs?
am i being one of them? she asked me.

dems discuss. repubs make excuses.
dems argue with compassion, to make this world better for everyone. that's everyone, not just people like them. and that's the world, not just america.
republicans argue to save face.

so, the answer is no. might i add, tessa? you must remember that you are a special breed of democrat. you are a minnesota democrat, making you a dfl-er. your new "friends" in new york can't touch that.

use this one on 'em next time it comes up:
from Sims's Frontline
"why would i waste a mile in your crooked footsteps?"

rain, rain, go away.

it's been 8 days.
8 days! 8 days! 8 days! eight days! EIGHT DAYS!
eight days since i have seen the sun.
eight days of rain.

this summer thing is on my list. it's slacking, and we are not friends anymore.

i ripped my pants on a rocking horse.

apparently it's still my birthday. i love this week.
i arrived at work today to find an adorable little strawberry shortcake sitting on my desk. it is glorious!
really, strawberry shortcake was the only think i could think of that i wanted for my birthday and didn't get.
you know, that and a million dollars.
but i was spoiled rotten by my friends, my family, and some people who barely even knew me. well i know them now.
and i thank them whole-heartedly.



but i'm not gonna hug you or anything. . .that's awkward.

i promised poetry.

but poetry would be far too kind a description for the events that took place this weekend.

i tried to put into words the sights, the sounds, the feelings, the people, the places, the air, the food, the drink.
oh god. . .the drink.
it was all a blur.
my photos even seem too kind a depiction of the things my eyes remember seeing.



my last peek at the white light moon before dipping into a tunnel underground.
then glances exchanged in the blackness, the empty void of reflections missed.
the feather light feeling in my stomach as i climbed the stairs in an open-air stadium with a million other people.
sitting on a barstool, the unfamiliar laughter seeping from my own gut.
the apex.
the quiet complaints, the innocent moments of memories recalled.
and i find myself craving more.


katie and i are moving to chicago. i decided.

the sun rises in chicago

sometimes i drink.
i drink to celebrate.
and then i forget to go to sleep because i drank too much.

in chicago.
and it's awesome.

i can't help myself.

the most beautiful thing in the world.

right in front of my eyes,
but so hopelessly out of reach.

birthday resolutions

alright, i thought i had something to say about how to change my life for the better upon turning 23.

i don't.

instead, all i can say is that i am fucking excited to be spending the weekend in chicago with my little sister.
until then, of course, i have work to do.


and oops. i hope i didn't screw anything up. seriously, oops. and i mean that in more than one way.