maybe one day

. . .you'll be worth it.

if i could write you a letter

i'd leave it in your bed.
tucked neatly between your sheets, so you couldn't miss it.

but you wouldn't read it.

i've posed that trick before, you claim to have thrown it away immediately.
my words apparently mean nothing to you.
but i wonder if those fibers still exist somewhere.
tucked neatly into a drawer, so you can remember someday.

what is it you will recall?
the things you've said about me. . .
my smile, my touch, my humor.
will you remember my insecurities?
will you realize that you caused many of them?

and where will i be on that day?
probably nowhere near you.
hopefully somewhere happier.
hopefully somewhere more fulfilling, more uplifting.

probably somewhere where i am even less understood.
it's too bad you can't give me what i really need.

at least not yet.

it had to be.

There is so much talent in you.
So much I want from you.
So much I project onto you.

But the "you" I see, is not the "me" that you know.
And the "me" with you is someone I've just barely met.
She's bashful, nervous, intimidated by the "you" who is aggressive, arrogant, mean.

But the nights are different. The mornings bring redeeming qualities.
They bring laughter, joy, sarcasm and wit.
They make it all worth it.
They make "you and I" into "we," even if for a few fleeting moments.

Surely we can meet somewhere in the middle.

I'm not trying to make something out of nothing.
I'm not trying to analyze you or sound overly romantic.
I won't tell you "I love you," or that "I will wait forever."
That isn't "me."
That isn't "you."
But whatever it is that "we" do is good for me.
And I just wanted you to know.

a day of labor.

I'm not exactly sure what really happened last night. . .or this morning, for that matter. Or why I am am feeling so smitten today because of it all. I haven't felt this way in so long, but even more oddly, I don't think these feelings are about any person in particular.

It's just that for the first time in a long time, I feel like I've got all the cards in my hand.

It's time to play.