get your dreams just right.

i used to feel.
i used to feel in light and color and passion and vigor.
i used to feel compassion.
i used to love.

emotion has given way to doubt.
to tension. to the uneasy, sinking, sickly feeling in my stomach.

you ask me to tell you,
"how does that feel?"
i wish i could tell you in terms you understand.
but you and i are different, too different, for you to ever know.
i could tell you about the torrential waves of color splashing against the backs of my eyelids.
i could tell you of the glistening light, the vibrancy of yellow and golden greens i see in the dark.
i could tell you how beautiful i find this moment; perfect in its simplicity.
i could tell you of the release. the sweet, agonizing, reconciling release.

but i let the moment slip away.
i let it all slip away.

like. hurt.

the world is pain.
we all know what it feels like to hurt. and to be hurt.

but there is no reason for your pain tonight. nothing you have done could ever have brought this upon you. you are a good man.

• • •

i've known good men. and i've known bad.
you hurt me, you love me.
i see you strut, i hear you crow;
i've seen you cower and i've heard you cry.
the uncertainty keeps me interested
and i come back because i like the abuse.

you thrill me because you don't want me.
you thrill me because i want you, too.