when i see you, i always see you upside down

i don't understand why life always has to be so hard.
my mom, the crazy but wise and always-right-in-the-end voice in my head, reassures me that it'll work itself out.
but i'm torn between reality and the dream.

"i should have given you a reason to stay."

but i'm afraid that if i stay, all i will ever want to do is get out.
and if i go, i might fail but at least i will have somewhere safe to come home to.
i feel like the cliche in a clash song.

abandonment. the ultimate price to pay. i don't want it to come down to that.
apologies. of the deepest variety. but i just can't this time. i can't stay. i can only realize one dream at a time, one step at a time.

"this is fact, not fiction."

i'll come back. but please let me go. . .at least for now.